get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
