We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I need a beard to bite.
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