yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
