I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
