We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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