i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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