I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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