That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
