You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize