Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize