i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
