I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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