u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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