if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
