32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Be still, my beating vagina.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
