I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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