You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
