ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
