I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
