I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
