He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
