You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize