What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
