Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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