If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
