After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
