I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
