how can u be prego again
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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