ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
