Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
