fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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