I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
