Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
