So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
