i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
