My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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