I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
