MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
