and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize