do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
