I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My ass is underappreciated
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
