So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Your penis caused this!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
