remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
