census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
