Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
When are your genitals available?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize