I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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