He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
