you guys were way drunker than both of me
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
