you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
