Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
