Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
