Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
