i think my mom watched the whole time
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
