i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize