no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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