3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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