turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
