I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
