My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
