I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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