i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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