One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
