I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
