Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
