Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
