dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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