You work out of a Hotel?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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