I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
