i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Everclear isn't food dammit
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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