I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
