If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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