Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
