Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
