Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
