3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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