I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
