We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
FUCK WHALES
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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